To all young Suicides...

How many of you have had the feeling that you just want to kill yourself? Quite a few of you , ain't it? It is really strange how normal things can trigger such extreme reactions in our minds. 

 

Some hard facts about suicides in India:

 

1. Age group 15-24 yrs constitutes 16% of the population(Census of India 2001) & most suicides in India take place between 15-29 yrs age group according to a survey conducted for 2001-2003.

 

2. Suicide may soon become the leading cause of death in India, currently 2nd in number to Transportation accidents in men and maternal disorders in women.

3. According to Wikipedia out of half a million suicides happening in a year in the world, 20% take place from India, making it the suicide capital of the world.

The facts are just so upsetting. There is so much pressure both external and internal, that people, young and immature, are driven to take such drastic measures. Yes, competition has increased and we are just horses running behind that invisible dangling carrot, striding ahead and in the process trampling on our own dreams and wishes and aspirations blinded by society into believing that, only in this carrot lies our salvation.  Often people lose track of why their running and what their running for, finally losing their purpose to live. So they end it. A cold blooded murder of themselves is what supposedly is going to set them free from their misery. Oh! what  a terrible waste, if only people saw beyond that carrot. 

[This post is inspired by It's Kind of a Funny Story, a movie about a 16 year-old American boy who upset by his life, decides to commit suicide but is stopped by a vision of his parents. He checks into a hospital, asking to be treated, is put into a adult psychiatric ward where he meets others with similar problems. Slowly he realises there are more reasons to live and the others in the ward are suffering from much serious issues in their life. A funny, touching and inspiring tale.]

References:

Summary- Report on Causes of Death (2001-03) in India (Page no. 4)

Selected socio-economic statistics, India,2011, Ministry of Statistics and Programme Implementation, GOI   (Page no. 46)

Demographic Indicators, Census 2001  (Page no. 3)

Wikipedia: Suicides in India

Suicide second leading cause of death among young Indians

Young suicides major cause of deaths in India: Study

A boy and his butterfly..

I remember asking my grandfather to catch some butterflies for me, 

so that I can make them a pet and store them in a glass jar.
I remember him telling me to leave holes in the lid so that they can breathe. 

I remember running around in in my neighbors' yard,
when I was not learning to make paper boats, from him.

I finally did capture one in a jar, but it didn't survive. 

I don't remember having the courage to catch one again.

I imagined myself walking in a forest, with all these creatures peeking from the dense undergrowth. 

Then suddenly a butterfly fluttering down on my shoulder and then on my outstretched palm.

In the palm of my hand, it looks like the prettiest thing on earth! 

My mother planted a Curry leaves plant,

With it came a beautiful black-white and red butterfly. 

I was surprised, thinking, what is it doing on a boring flowerless plant like this?

Then in a few days I noticed a pair of gooey green caterpillars resting under a leaf.
Night would knock them off their slumber and make them ferociously feed.
In the day they would snugly sleep under the half eaten tattered leaves.
I watched them grow night and day until they grew as fat as my fingers!

I remember taking them in a box to school in my science class,
Girls shrieking and boys feeling their velvety sides,
The caterpillars seemed to like it, I thought then!

As I touched them, two red horns would emerge from behind their heads..
The boys would entertain themselves thus playing with their new friends!
Then our biology teacher explained that these horns are meant to scare their predators..
They are not the tails that dogs wag when their gay!
She told me to put them back on the plant as the caterpillars seemed ready to cocoon!

I hurried back home and let the little fellows on the plant again....
But I kept one for myself on my desk, with a small branch of the plant for it to feed...
hoping that I get to meet that butterfly which emerges...
hoping that it will rest on my palm just like the one in my dreams!

And cocoon it did, but the wait for the butterfly was too long,
I hurried back home everyday to find the fellow asleep in his self-made bed!
On one such day when I was at school the butterfly emerged,
My father later told me how it fluttered about my room for a while until he let it free!

I cried then a little for life being so unfair...
I still wish someday I can meet that butterfly...
The one that will rest on my shoulder and then flutter down on my palm!

a double life

It's not easy living a double life,

Within oneself it's like a strife....

It's hard to improve your situation

If you feel you lack the tools to do so...

It becomes easier to drag your body...

Being numb and moving with the crowd....

yet trying to find your way aimlessly.

So what if you don't want to be a cliche?

You are either alone or your one of them..

Either ways you are a stranger in the crowd.

An adventure in Abu !

....lying down on a bench under a large fig, light filtered through the canopy on a mostly blue sky with faint wisps of clouds. The smell of rotis being fried in the air making me hungrier by the second. Our Obscure Abu trip with Bike N Hike was coming to an end. Only one adventure remained. In the past 36 hours we had trekked for more than 5 hours covering a distance of around 9-10 kms. This trip had totally shattered my myth about Mt. Abu!

Mt. Abu Wildlife Sanctuary is a 4 hrs drive from Ahmedabad. It is not really known as a Wildlife Sanctuary but a hill station with booze to commoners and ignorant fools like me. A chill in the air outside informed us that we were now far from the hot urban chaos of the Ahmedabad city, driving on winding hilly roads of Abu towards our campsite.

A bad day...

What makes a day bad? What are the essential ingredients, mixed in precise measured quantities under appropriate conditions of pressure and temperature, that are the recipe for a horrible day?I wouldn't know. I just know the feeling you get at the bottom of your stomach when you feel your little carved out security is jeopardized and things are slowly inching towards disaster making every moment worst than the one before.  The feeling is even worse when your body starts showing signs of fatigue even though the day is just getting started.

A day starts off as normally as any other, giving no signs of the devastation lying minutes or hours away from that perfect morning. An e-mail (that you forgot to check yesterday) can trigger the dissent, or just a passing remark by a friend (that actually should't have affected you). The source of distress is most probably rooted in the workplace of your guilt ridden mind.

Some misadventures and Thol!

What a wonderfully eventful morning, it turned out to be  today! I visited the Thol Bird Sanctuary after a long time. Started late from Ahmedabad and had to wait at a railway crossing for two trains to pass. I decided to do what I always wanted to! Take pictures of the moving train. 

A monsoon trip to remember...

Steve Irvin.....Austin Stevens.....Jeff Corwin....rings a bell?? All you 'Animal' (Planet) Fanatics out there, I am sure you would get an adrenalin rush just by listening to those names!! I am not lying when I say I had an action packed weekend! I have always wanted to experience wild creatures in their true habitat and I thank Vipul Ramanuj and his Bike N Hike team for making it possible.

In this boring room.....

Staring outside from this boring room...

I see the rain coming down, washing the earth below...

At a distance, the grass looks greener and trees more fresh...

All that I can imagine is this, sittin in this boring room....

People moving about, doing their work, oblivious to my state...

No one bothers as I stir from my slumber and walk towards the closed window... 

Zindigi ki rahon mein aksar aisa hota hai........

Zindigi ki rahon mein aksar aisa hota hai.. 
kuch lamhe dil ko chuu jaate hai.

Aksar ye lamhe rahan mein chav bankar aate hai ..
zindigi se dhup mita jate hai.

Par tum,inn lamhon ke sahare jeena chod do..

Zindagi inn lamhon ke bina bhi haseen hai, 
jara haske dekhlo..

Free your mind !

A free mind is a brilliant thing. When at its peak, free thinking gives a adrenaline rush to the system. It's almost like floating in empty space with no apparent end, no visible horizon. Once you get addicted to it there is no looking back. 

So now the question arises, what do you do to get a free mind?  Can I get it from the counter no. X of the Y mall? You can try looking. These days, anyways, anything from diaper to cars is easily available and that too in installments at a mall near you!

Now, here's my guide to a free mind....just one word ....W A L K !!

Lets talk Nanotech!

For a change, I have decided to write about a serious topic. Few people would believe that I am capable of such a thing, but prepare to be surprised! In any case I will keep this post brief.

Nano Technology is the next great leap for mankind. It is set to change healthcare, manufacturing and virtually every other industry known to man. 

To start-off for those who are unaware of the term Nano Technology, (for my precious few geek readers) nano means a billionth or  factor of 10⁻⁹ or 0.000000001 and for the rest of you (non-scientists) it means small. Basically Nano Technology (affectionately called Nanotech) involves the manipulation of matter at the molecular or atomic level(pasted from Wikipedia). 

Just imagine what man can accomplish from this technology! It will be like magic, the kind we have read about in Harry Potter books. Materials and manufactured items will be so modular, even more advanced than those robots from the movie Transformers. Nano robots are said to be a revolution in the medical field where doctors can perform critical surgeries without touching the patient! Nano robots (some call them as nanobots) can be deployed in the most difficult environments. These can be used in war(to dismantle or malfunction enemy weapons without detection) or to even operate(mend tissues & make micro stitches) on our body!

Book cover courtesy: http://www.webidz.com 

However, its threats to health and environment cannot be downplayed. The Nano particles if let lose in the environment can create unprecedented damage. For a more terrifying view of the problem read a novel called 'Prey' by Michael Crichton. Those who believe in reality rather than fiction read this article in Asian Age: Nano tech can poison man, environment (just browse through Wikipedia for additional links). 

So the technology is indeed a great leap for mankind, but the picture is not as rosy as it looks. As an uncle of a great American superhero has said, 'With great power comes great responsibility'. 

A letter undelivered....

Years ago it started with a letter, or was it an innocent note, passed during a class? 

It was back in those years of adolescence and innocent pain.

I cannot remember what we wrote about but then again we wrote about everything that was important to us then!

A little note from you, then a reply from me, it went on like this for some time.

It was within those few pieces of paper that we folded our entire world.

I remember flowing in the beautiful torrent of emotions as you gently guided me. 

I remember my short replies to your long letters.
I remember sharing a piece of my life with you.

I remember the day I brought everything to a stop. 

Your letter was the last and I never replied. 

The last letter from me to you was left undelivered. 

I remember burning those letters without a hint of emotion and later regretting it.

Although it might not make a difference to you now, I wish to write once to you and deliver this package of memories.

I wish to deliver that last letter that was left undelivered.

- signed Tortoise...

What is real?

"What is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply   electrical signals interpreted by your brain" 
                                                  -Morpheus in The Matrix(1999)

Setting sun in a rainy month

Scene of the setting sun on a day in a rainy month is a sight to behold. 
If your'e lucky then it doesn't rain and the clouds are just lined up on the horizon.

 As the sun gets ready to dive, the clouds take their turn, one by one,  playing the game of hide and seek. The soft rays of the sun join in, illuminating the soft cottony mass of clouds with warm light. The sun keeps peeking through the gaps of this cottony mass, blinding at times and at times soothing. The edges of these clouds get lit up with golden light and streaks of light filter through, bursting out from the seams. 

The sun is dying out but not without a fight as the clouds try to calm him down and divert his energy. The sky slowly turns dull and the blue is replaced by the gray as large heavy clouds rumble into position as if to wake up the earth from a trance and drench it with much needed drops of life.

Practice makes the Dhobi!

Ironing is an endless conflict almost like being in a relation with a girl(I'm straight so don't ask me about the other orientations)! Its not necessary that every time the same strategy (which starts with a Sorry and ends with an I love you) will work! There are a million other factors that come into play like, how long it took you to realise your mistake(how long the shirt was lying under a pile of other clothes?), or how sorry are you actually feeling( Is the iron hot enough?), or were you actually listening to her? (your eyes were following some skimpily clad creature) ?  Finally you end up either burning yourself or your shirt!

If you have little ironing(dating) experience behind you(lets call you a novice) then you may even plot a graph of time required to iron(time spent with a girl) v/s quality of ironing(relationship). At first it may appear that both are directly related. So the novice will spend a good 10 minutes on a shirt which seems to have been run over by a herd of elephants! End result? Nada!  Zilch! Zero!!!

Then it hits you, as you pass the Dhobi, in front of your society gate, you see him sprinkling water on on the dried clothes. That's the secret ingredient then huh? Next day you try it on  other clothes(dates) and voila! The shirt is stiff in 5 minutes(pun not intended)! The novice looks at his work proudly and shows it off too! But wait, this story doesn't have a happy ending(Ironing/dating never does!).

I was lucky I didn't have to go through all this, my room mate explained a thing or two about ironing(not dating), and I still ended up with road-kills! All you novices don't lose heart cause at the end of the tunnel, there is always light! A light of hope called practice! So however cliched it may sound, practice makes perfectly ironed clothes! 

In short practice makes the dhobi who he is!

Adieu dear friend.....

Speed, Fast and the Furious, 2Fast2Furious(say it fast without a pause)- No I am not making a list of super-paced action flicks, but those of you who are from CEPT know who I'm talking about! For those of you who don't, let me give you an brief and swift introduction to this Casanova! Here goes.....

A sturdy and healthy looking lad from the hills (not too different from Funsook Wangdoo of Three Idiots) who we never call Neepjyoti Das (we will call him Neep here, but lets just say he is called by the name given to a certain body part that all mammals on this planet have!), has been my room mate for the past three years. And three years have gone by fast. 

Why the obsession with speed? Well you could just say that Speed is Neep's middle name. He moves, talks, works, bathes, all as if, in a single breathe! Its as if he is carrying a ticking time bomb that he reprograms just before its about to blow! This Urban Planner is actually a Planner in literal terms! Planning everything in advance, not only for himself but even for others who are with him! 

 

He's been responsible for the variety of meat I have consumed  at some of the best eateries in the Old city(that's on the other side of the Sukhi nadi-Sabarmati!).  He is also our very own Master Chef(My other room mate is the regular chef and I'm the well, the Intern!) dishing out the most amazing Dal, Paneer Matar, Chicken curry and the inventor of our very own Lemon Tea(strong with extra sugar and lemon for my other roomie!). 

In a way he has been an inspiration, introducing me to new books, authors and brilliant movies that have helped me shape my opinions and choices. Always on a different track than everyone else in the room, his unmatched perspective and casual, practical intelligence never cease to impress me(Cool and hot in a single package!).

As I now write this, memories rush past me, memories of the time we spent in our hostel room; memories of our trip to Ladakh and more recently the one year spent after starting work in Ahmedabad.

Neep is now ready to leave many things behind and go back to his home in Assam, though not alone but engaged! I wish the couple good luck for this new journey and hope that all their dreams come true!

Finally a warning note to all the wild and domesticated animals of Assam, its time you migrated to a safer place (In short BHAGONN!!).

Cheers and God Bless!

My precious...

You stand inclined in the corner, tempting me.

Your golden face shining in the dark.

I'm pulled towards you, incessant desire rising in my heart.

All I want to do is hold you close and get lost in your world.

You open up with ease, revealing the treasures within.

I want to drink you like wine, savour you.

You overwhelm my senses with your smell, intoxicating, soothing.

I run my fingers down your spine, tracing your curves, the texture.

And then the magic starts as you open up.

I can feel your grasp tightening on my soul, my mind.

I am lost in you, as if forever.

Now I can only recover when your'e done.

How I wish this feeling would last, but alas...

Though I leave you in the corner again, my mind never does.

That's how much I love you.......Ooh My Precious!

A phoney story of the poor...

I have a ardent desire of owning the most sophisticated piece of machinery(a mobile communication device) at the cheapest price possible. It is obvious then that there is no such thing as a cheap sophisticated phone, cause I haven't bought one yet. Even if there is some phone that is close to the sophistication I require, it has had some feature that has put me off. Now don't worry, I am not going to ramble on about the various phones available in the market and what I like or dislike about each of them(geeks like me usually tend to act this way so let us be).

But seriously, doesn't this happen to everyone? Do we ever get exactly what we want? Our mind is in constant upheaval thinking, figuring out ways and reasons as to why we need to own a certain thing or disown it. Its a never ending battle between rational thinking and irrational desire. These materialistic aspirations are further fueled by good looking models, movie stars, cricketers; staring out at us from billboards, magazine covers, newspapers, television screens, websites. Everybody seems to be wanting to either sell something to us or promote someone. We are made out to be the deprived, miserable basically poor!

I looked up the word poor on the Internet and found this(and this is what came to my mind):

1. Deserving or inciting pity (Such a pity my current phone is not a dual core)

2. Having little money or few possessions (maybe I should sell my bike to buy the phone)

3. Lacking in specific resources, qualities or substances (my phone has only 10 apps compared to my friends I-phone/Android/BB)

5. Not sufficient to meet a need (A big screen phone will help me read the news on the move as I can't always read a newspaper)

6. Unsatisfactory( My phone has become outdated since the last month!)

7. People without possessions or wealth (considered as a group)(My friends have BBM I need a BB to BBM too!)

Happiness in 'phoney' things...

With so many reasons its hard not fall for temptation and imagine ourselves to be poor! It is as if we have put on dark glasses on our eyes that blind us from reality(like in the 1988 cult classic They live! ) or our senses have been hacked and our body placed in a cocoon which only allows us to dream but never lets us actually realise them-an alternative reality(like in 1999 American blockbuster-The Matrix).

I have stopped myself from buying the latest phone until now by equating its cost with either the amount of books that I can buy (around 1000) or the savings that I can make( you never know when I'll run out of those). But one thing is for certain- eventually I will crack, those pretty people on billboards will get to me, the need for the latest phone will surpass all logic and reason and become an ambition (like some want to own a Ferrari, or a bath tub, or an indoor swimming pool, or just a roof over their heads and a place for them to sleep in).

Eventually I too will act poor !

Untitled

Finally a brick from the wall crumbles and a brilliant light pours out from within, soothing his senses, bringing a train of memories and voices, voices of laughter, at first soft and then growing louder as they approach the brick wall. He stares with awe at the steady flow of whiteness from within, then he sees them! The white emptiness is replaced by a pair of eyes now, beautiful eyes, and then they speak to him. "What took you so long?", he hears the voice from within and then they disappear. Slowly getting up, like a child taking it's first steps, he walks towards the wall and peeks within.

There is no whiteness within, but a forest is visible, as he peers through it, trying to make sense of what he is feeling. It is a vast and densely wooded place, free, with no master. It bows to no one and stops at nothing to achieve its sole purpose- to grow.

— in Manali, Himachal Pradesh.

 

My Project MAYHEM...

"Fight Club  is a 1999 American film based on the 1996 novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk. The film was directed by David Fincher and stars Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, and Helena Bonham Carter."-wikipedia

Why the sudden interest? Well I just finished seeing it. It's a little too much to take, if you ask me.Two hours of total MAYHEM. But those of you who have seen it.....know that 'The first rule of Project Mayhem is: You do not ask questions'.

After watching the movie, I felt like talking about it, writing about something. Writing about what? I still haven't figured that out. I have always been in a confused state of mind. I have always thought that this has got to do, with the way that I am made up. But that's not entirely  true.

There are a lot of things that go around, which I don't understand. It seems, I have taken it upon myself to solve each and every mystery that presents itself before me. I have a feeling I can attain that or a part of it atleast by pursuing this invisible task with all my heart, mind and soul.It makes me wanna do things that I could have never imagined. Sadly I also end up 'not doing' many things.

I have, however realized that I have very less time, and postponing things is not gonna work in my favor. No I am not sick or dying or thinking of dying. I understand that whatever I have is more precious than what I don't have.

Learning . Learning is a difficult task, exciting but difficult.What is learning? 'The cognitive process of acquiring skill or knowledge'. But that also means that the knowledge, that there is more to learn, can be only achieved thorough more LEARNING.

For now I can only write so much. If this note has managed to confuse you, then thank you for reading the whole thing, but let me clarify that without confusion, our world would not be the way it has come to be. The unending quest to clear the confusions in our brain is what keeps us ticking, creating an illusion of growth. We never stop being kids, bumbling, falling, getting up again. We just start believing in something different. Something that was there all along but was masked by a veil of ignorance, absurdity, MAYHEM.

For those who have grasped this absurdity....Welcome to MY Project MAYHEM. But remember the first rule in my project MAYHEM is : You always ask questions! 

au revoir....

PS: This is not a movie review...however I do recommend Fight Club